just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
