Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
