I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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