I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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