Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
