Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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