when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
