Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
