Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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