I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize