You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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