I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.