when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
