Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?

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  (302): is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"? http://tfl.nu/82yu
  Replies (13) Good night (2642) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.

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  (651): I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again. http://tfl.nu/g370
  Replies (33) Good night (700) Bad night (6853) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

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  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12609) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2144) Bad night (4847) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

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  (508): He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/n1jt
  Replies (2) Good night (3591) Bad night (974)
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  (949): View more from California

  how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

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  (949): how did we start talking about space blow jobs? http://tfl.nu/0fha
  Replies (14) Good night (1553) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....

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  (601): Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it..... http://tfl.nu/aiat
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.

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  (631): So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown. http://tfl.nu/wxtg
  Replies (5) Good night (2045) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.

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  (815): I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex. http://tfl.nu/6un6
  Replies (11) Good night (1480) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"

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  (509): So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila" http://tfl.nu/anii
  Replies (3) Good night (1971) Bad night (357)
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  (845): View more from New York

  He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought

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  (845): He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought http://tfl.nu/z4p7
  Replies (7) Good night (2654) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night

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  (510): can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night http://tfl.nu/2hja
  Replies (6) Good night (733) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why did I wake up by myself then?

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  (404): Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach? (1-404): At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place. (404): Why did I wake up by myself then? http://tfl.nu/82c4
  Replies (3) Good night (1287) Bad night (290)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.

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  (952): Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me. http://tfl.nu/gmmg
  Replies (3) Good night (273) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Marry him now.

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  (330): And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain (330): Marry him now. http://tfl.nu/1169
  Replies (6) Good night (1058) Bad night (300)

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