one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.