After last night, I could never be a politician.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?