whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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