Pants 0. Shit 1.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
