Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
