Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
