it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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