Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
