Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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