I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who died my cat blue again?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
