I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
