I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
