sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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