Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
