btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
