how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
