im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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