i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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