saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize