UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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