I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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