Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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