dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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