I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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