I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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