I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
