Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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