Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
