By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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