last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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