Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
