yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
