There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
