I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
