he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
