Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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