put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
