I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
