my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
