Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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