I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
