I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
