I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
