Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
