12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
