It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
