dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
