As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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