I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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