I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
