Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
