You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
