I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
