Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
