I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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