There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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