I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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