You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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