I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
