Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
