I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
