Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize