mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
