me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
