..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
