drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
