This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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