everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
