I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
