The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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