you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
